Adding On.

I took just the border collie on a walk this morning. It’s hard to leave whim home. Whim has been my everything for nearly seven years. I keep telling myself that this new journey is good. It’s not moving on. It is adding on. It’s just hard to leave whim home. It’s hard not to feel like I’m shortening her career by giving time to s’more.

This dog needs me, and not just half of me. I could ration out my energy, giving her what is left over from whim. Half of me, half of my time, half of my energy would be, and is, unfair. She should give her whole heart in this journey to receive less in return? That is not the way to build a team. I would be lying to say she hasn’t taken the backseat to whim’s career. She stays home many weekends, and many months she does not train. This month, for example, is whim’s month as we prepare for FCI Agility World Championship in two weeks. It is not a simple process to be in sync as a team, so I give whim my all before we head to big events.  This has served us well, but this is also what s’more has not yet gotten from me.

I keep plotting to take whim with forever, and it feels like letting go if I think anything else. The transition to a new dog is challenging and beautiful, like learning a new language. I have yet to communicate fluidly with s’more. I’m still doing most of the talking. I need to listen and learn to understand her. She will not speak to me the way whim does, and I cannot force her into that role.  



I am not giving up on whim by investing in s’more. I am not taking away from whim to give to s’more. This dog needs me too. I’m going to give myself more to her this year. Whim can share, and I can start a new story without ending one.

You are allowed to be a masterpiece and a work in progress, simultaneously. 

Greatness Takes Time

 In agility, time has become increasingly more important to competitors. We have learned to fine-tune our handling, shaving off tenths and hundredths when it matters most. Our dogs have access to better nutrition, physical therapists, chiropractors, and fitness trainers. They are running longer because of the hours we put into taking care of them on all levels. We are also pushing them to reach greatness sooner. The youngest to reach this title, this goal, this team… I understand. I did the same for myself as a kid. I chased the youngest national champion, the youngest world team member, and became the youngest European Open team member. What I can tell you from that experience is that it is mentally taxing with no true reward.  Chasing the clock is fun on course, but setting time limits on your goals is not.  

I’ve found maturity is a key factor in competing at a higher level. I believe that many dogs aren’t “grown up” until around five years old. You can push a dog long before it is ready, but realistically you cannot rush development. The abilities of muscle memory, verbal skills, and reading body cues are not created overnight. It takes hours of commitment to be great, for you and your dog. And the truth is those hours aren’t filled with motivational quotes, excuses and hoping for gold, they’re filled with conscious practice. We do not simply run agility in this journey. We calculate complex movements, test reaction time, and fine-tune footwork to create a language between dog and handler. We are learning something far more complex than a sport filled with dog tricks.  

I’m not here to tell you not to reach for the stars, but to take your time. There is much more satisfaction in slow, consistent progress than there is in stumbling blindly upon a goal. If the promise of satisfaction isn’t enough for you, consider that the one stumbling to the top probably won't remember the path back up.

There’s a key component to the ten thousand hours rule, “deliberate practice”. You cannot rely on skills you have not fully developed.  Greatness takes time, but that time must be well spent. We have the resources and knowledge in our community to be deliberate, we need to realize that not all practice is valuable. I never run an obstacle, sequence or course without a specific reason. I enter trials when I believe they will benefit the goal I am working on, and I go to the line with a list of micro-goals to accomplish. None of these goals, big or small, have expiration dates. None of these goals are based upon results.When goals are set effectively the results become the byproduct of the process. Focus on the process, every minute holds value if you know where to look and how to use your time. 

Goal setting is time management.

The Value of Successful Thinking

Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods. 

I recently had an old student email me, thanking me for my help on her journey to nationals this year. While we only worked together for a brief time a few years ago, I couldn’t be happier that I’ve made an impact. She reminded me why I teach and why I am still in agility. I am here because every team has the ability to make amazing transformations. As handlers, it is our job to create a training system, handling system and set goals to maximize our dog’s potential in this sport. Every dog has a different path, and every journey is worth it.

I once had someone try to convince me that Whimzy wasn’t worth my time, wasn’t good enough to be at the top. They tried to convince me that I didn't have potential in this sport. I almost believed it… that we couldn’t be the team I dreamed of being. Mind you, this was after earning gold medal at worlds. But words have an impact on us and can take away from even the most gratifying experiences. In fact it destroyed my thought process, despite our achievements I could not believe in us. It was here that I knew success was so much more than accomplishments. It includes the ability to be emotionally in control over success and failure, the ability to learn from all available sources, and a willingness to engage in positive thinking. I had to learn all over again to believe in my teammate, to practice success as a mental skill. Reaching goals is only part of the process, learning to think about success in the right way is how we reach our potential. I am still in agility to tell anyone that will listen that your dog, your dreams are worth it. I will never do what that person did to me. There is no goal too small or too great to aim for, all it takes is commitment to your teammate.

This is the duty we have to our dogs, to be successful thinkers. To take mistakes and find a remedy rather than an excuse, that is success in action. For this, we have to maintain an open mind in our approach, and develop the system our dog needs. I am still learning to practice success, but I want to do right by Whimzy in this journey. She is worth it. We are worth it. 

Little Victories

There are two ways to look at every performance, with a results-oriented view and a goal-oriented view. Being focused on results leads us to tear ourselves down for being the slower dog or sloppier handler. We compare ourselves to other competitors and judge the worth of our team based on other's successes. Goals, however, are personal. They have absolutely nothing to do with who else comes to the trail this weekend, or next weekend. Small, like getting the weave entry, or big, like aiming for nationals, they serve us well. Unlike pretty ribbons, goals teach us about our strengths and weaknesses. Maybe Whimzy doesn’t earn a pretty ribbon in standard, maybe S'more doesn't qualify all weekend. On paper the results show that my dogs don't always do so hot. The relevant information is that my goals weren't aimed at winning the class or even earning the Q. We were out there completing dozens of little goals from her striding efficiently between obstacles to holding our contacts and start line stay. Whim earned two standard Q’s this weekend, regardless of the placement our runs were a huge successes. As for S'more? She freaking loves agility, she's happy. Goal achieved. I can walk away overjoyed with my dogs knowing that my goals were met. We’ve made progress. 

This is not to say that competition is invaluable. It's not all happy rainbows, I'm a pretty competitive person and can be hard on myself for a shoddy performance. I am lucky to live in an area with a deep pool of talented handlers and a highly competitive 16" class. Winning may be satisfying, and there’s no wrong in taking pride in a job well done. However, it is important to remember that your competition can help tell you things about your performance you may not have considered. Perhaps competition keeps you considering alternate handling plans or simply prevents you from growing complacent with your performance. Whim was .16 of what would have been today's winning jumper’s time. While the ribbons mean little to me it shows that we clearly had room to improve. Maybe it was those three collected strides too many on a tunnel pull, or a multitude of other little moments that can change your time drastically. Maybe it goes beyond handling alone. But now I go home with some new things to consider for the future. While I keep in mind how my competition is doing, the placement of any given run matters so little on a weekly basis. As we push each other to go faster, we learn to look harder at our handling choices, training and fitness skills. Healthy competition is what keeps us moving forward in this or any sport. 

There was once a time when I did not understand the difference between results and competition. I would have rather had a small pool and an easy win. Today? Push me in the deep end. Let’s see if I can swim. If not, I'll absorb some new information, grow and find a new way to float back to the top. 

Thank you to my fellow competitors I chatted with this weekend on the small victories in the ring. Focus, feeling connected, trusting your handling and your dog are all such important goals. You people keep me in the sport. It's reassuring to know so many lovely people care about the big picture and not just the ribbons. I would have left agility already without you all spreading those good vibes.

reaching

the grass is greener where you water it. 

This week has me feeling out of step with the universe, trying to fall back into sync with old rhythms. But that's part of life, and part of learning to dance. Just need to reach a little harder, right? 

Breathe in, and reach. I accept that this is a slow progression of expanding oneself. In agility I have learned this well, that patience and clarity yield results. It is a vulnerable state to sink into one's mind for every run, it is a commitment to true effort every step of the way. This also leaves us open to true failure, of simply not being good enough at that moment. This happens, mistakes happen. We all know how to take the lesson out of a mistake, as challenging as that may be sometimes. It could be considered a silver lining, but rather I see mistakes as a treasure. I have not found a way to fix a flaw I do not know exists. That is why I have learned to be comfortable putting out our best effort every run with the understanding that it will not always reach the results I intended. 

If I am being honest in this dissection of myself it is important for the world to know that my first world championships had me ready to hurl, left completely unnerved in our abilities as a team. Whim and I managed each run. I say this to mean that we were not connected, it was the efforts of two distant entities chipping away at the same task in some incoherent fashion. We could not understand each other, and here I learned that I was not yet part of a team with my dog. It took every shred of mental effort, every application of my mental management practices to survive that weekend. I left with not only a gold medal thanks to my incredible medium teammates, but a mission to turn Whimzy and I into a cohesive unit. I was done battling my dog around the course always at odds with her decisions. I wanted to communicate in the same tongue. Two years down the road, just after our second worlds, our connection is now sharp and my nerves are hard. Stepping to the line I do not think twice about the possible faults, because I know without a doubt we can get the job done. We are just up for our turn to dance, our turn to sink into the rhythm, the moment, into each other. We now know each other, the way we move and speak is in balance with the other. This was a slow progression of expanding our skills and understanding of both our bodies. This is the result of pure mileage, you cannot hurry the hours or the process. Nor should you. This is a journey, not as a team, but to become one. 

Don't rush, I say it all the time. Mostly to my students, but to myself now more than ever. Learning to take the time that is necessary will make you the most effective handler for your dog. This is a balancing act particular to each team. I can tell you when, I can tell you where, I can tell you how late that cue was. But timing is not a shareable knowledge. We must reach a little deeper every opportunity we have to fine tune that connection. That is agility, one aspect of life these lessons apply to. I have spent my life so passionate about and completely devoted to this sport. In the last year the world has expanded in front of me and I feel honored to delve into so much at once. We have the choice to have a passion or not,  or two, or three. We also have the choice to simply be passionate about all the aspects of all the life things. Agility has offered much that can transcend into other places of my life, and I am grateful to have brought lessons back to agility as well.  I am learning that passion for all things as a collective goal of improvement, to sink into it and to be able to reach a little harder. I am finding that there is a great benefit to encompassing your goals with one another. 

The Healthiest of Habits

Nothing in nature blooms all year, be patient with yourself.

I am becoming reacquainted with my own skin, sinking into it further than I knew I could. It is difficult to become vulnerable when this life requires so much strength. Hardened walls block out pain, but also light. And I need the sun. It is foolish of myself to refuse nutrients when they are readily available. Yet, those walls go up despite the sun's warmth beating against them day in, day out. The mind is mighty in this way, growing rigid in its thoughts to protect our softer sides. But an open mind is required to dream at full capacity. I would be an even bigger fool to think myself the exception to this universal truth. I have the ability to push the confines of my mind, for true strength lies in the courage to accept risk. 

..you are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.

There is no better way for me to defy my limits than to set my sights far beyond reality. To expose one's underbelly to the ground below offers a great risk and a greater reward.

I would be lost without goals. There nature is to grow into one another, to overlap in a fate woven fashion. Like a living being, goals demand care to flourish. In turn this commitment has become an unspoken vow to better the health of my own being. I expand myself with each step towards a goal. Growth such as this pulls in all life and spews back the mind's inner light, which shines far brighter than the sun. This is the  positivity that a brain creates as a byproduct of taking care of the self. I want my soul to ripple out this way, to have a heart that can bring vibrations of change to its environment. I can feel how desperately I need to grow just to live.  

Agility is now but one part of my life, although it still fills me up with lessons to chew on for days. I'm at a slight loss for words on how to describe the evolution of Whim and I as a team. I am only able to say that our connection flows like water. She is as much a part of me than ever, on and off the course. Our souls have intertwined in a way that sends pride and bewilderment through my being, I am so blessed to have a dog like her. As I grow closer to her, I am expanding to the outer edges of my abilities on other paths. I have found that to truly develop myself I am responsible for incorporating all aspects of life into the dreams I seek to create. 

Only the beginning

There comes a day when you realize turning the page is the best feeling in the world- you realize that there is so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.

I am my own hero. This is my story after all. You'd be a fool to think I'll ever again let myself fall damsel to the distress, I will have none of that. I want to fight with crashing blows. Let's see those sparks fly, feel the weight of the blade in my hand ready to strike again. Send a dragon my way, I'll hop on and gladly fly into battle. I once considered ducking for cover, but to give up now? Failure isn't an option. I want the risk, the thrill, I want to not know if I'll come out alive. These are my battles, my struggles to overcome. Don't expect me to tuck my tail at the peak of war, I will push back for the story must go on.

This tale isn't just a battle though, there are whole chapters devoted to learning and travelling into the unknown, to surviving. This life is one of adventure. You know how I know that? Because this is my story. Not only about me, but by me. I put the pen to the paper, I choose the words, the characters, the plot. I simply cannot put it down, we must always write on. The only thing I can't control are the reviews, and it's cute that you think I'd even give those the time of day.

Ruining someone else's story won't make yours read any better - I have decided this, even the villains creeping through my pages will never know the need to fear me. I am my own hero, and I will not use such darkness. You may wound me, but I will heal. There will be some dark that leaks into me though, like when you hold your pen down to the paper too long and an ugly blotch seeps out. But if I turn enough pages I will find myself trekking though a distant land far away from that ink blot. The sound of thundering hooves will hum in my ears as we fly across the land, ahead the mountains hide their peaks in the highest of clouds. I have always wanted to climb a cloud you know...

And to think, this is only the beginning.