Onward

It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling now that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any.

I always thought life would go up from here, that we could just keep climbing. But each mountain has a peak, and from there we go down. I was afraid for a little while what down would mean, as if it could undo the greatness of up. I have found that it is more the unwinding of up to go down. You can now see your rope, all its kinks and knots pulled so tight they are woven into fate for good. These are the lessons we take to the next leg of the journey, for we can never go up enough. I am settled though in this time to see that I am not yet ready to climb again. We are pushing forward in a different way, growing stronger every day. Simply waiting to stumble upon a challenge to stump us. I want to be confused and frustrated. I want to fall and fail and not understand again.

Onward has become an important place for me to travel to, these last few months have been magic. I shall not explain the place I was, but it was stagnant filled with unwanted vibes of the negative kind. With some removing of people, I was able to look up again to see what was ahead. Except I couldn't...I saw more though, I still see more. I see now. I see the happy every day. I see what I've come from and how far away it is. I see the clouds crashing through the sky like great waves that never hit shore.  I see the sunlight peak through the leaves when we get lost on purpose in the woods, I could hike forever if life would let me. I can enjoy these things, these things of now. I talk a lot about the future, which is hogwash really. There is only now, only this moment and what we do with it. Every now I will step forward and one of those steps will lead up again. Perhaps I will be too busy with life and love to see it happening, but when failure hits I'll be ready to get back up.

And up, and up we shall go embracing the struggle as an old friend, ready to duel once again.